Slow Down and Observe the Signs

This morning, I found an old journal entry from exactly four years ago entitled "Slow Down and Observe the Signs." Evidently, I didn't take this to heart as the time has flown by and I think my life's pace increased instead of the reverse. A lot has changed in the past few months. I have finally slowed down (more so in the past three to six weeks), largely due to a surge in my energy from getting more sleep using my new contraption (a mandibular mouth piece, which kind of looks like a clear plastic teeth-whitening device that is hinged, keeping my jaw jutted out slightly so I can breathe at night). Evidently, I've not been going into "beta sleep" for the past seven years due to a condition known as "sleep apnea." Thankfully, this has changed. My metabolism has been jolted, and without changing my diet or exercise patterns, I have been losing weight, slowly but surely (of course, now I am supplementing this change by taking better care of my health). I am now dreaming again, which has opened up my ability to deal with hidden emotions and is now allowing me to "slow down and observe the signs." While I write all day with my career responsibilities, I had refrained since 2001. What a poor excuse, but it felt valid at the time. I just didn't have the energy to deal with everything. I am like the bunny with the "bad" batteries in the Energizer commercials: you know, the one that doesn't keep "going and going and going" -- rather, I am the one whose batteries died while the good bunny continued to beat his little drum. This fact is surprising to many people who know me professionally as I worked extremely fast and efficient during the day, when they saw or worked with me. But, by nightfall, I would be exhausted to the point that, while it used to be 10 PM when I would crash, there were evenings over the past few years where I couldn't move past 7:30 PM. In reflection, I know that my physical condition was compounded by the overwhelming stress of starting and maintaining a new business, which made me intentionally stifle any other changes that I could in my life. I am a master at keeping my deepest emotions stuffed inside. This will change.

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